


Letting Go

by Scoobee



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, M/M, Married Couple, One Shot, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 09:32:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14974304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scoobee/pseuds/Scoobee
Summary: 6 times in John Watson's life that he lets go. Oneshot.





	Letting Go

The first time John lets go, it is when he releases the hand of his new flatmate, after shaking it as they met in front of 221b Baker Street. 

John doesn't expect much from sharing a flat with the mysterious Mr. Sherlock Holmes, or even much from the man himself. Maybe a new friendship, someone to go to bars with and just be lads with (although he's still not quite sure if Sherlock is the type to really be into bars and football and beers). 

He certainly doesn't expect to be wishing he was investigating a crime scene with the self-proclaimed "consulting detective", or to be then actually invited by Sherlock to come along. John doesn't understand how he ends up right next to a freshly deceased dead woman, alongside members of the Yard, trying to seem useful to Sherlock and whatever the hell it was his clearly brilliant mind just deduced, all within hours of meeting the guy.

John doesn't know why he ends the first day as Sherlock Holmes' flatmate by shooting some (homicidal, suicidal?) cabbie with sharpshooter accuracy to save Sherlock's life.

They share a laugh about the whole thing afterwards. John doesn't quite understand why he has such a warm feeling inside himself as he jokes with this (amazing) man he's just met, but he figures it is better to finally feel this way again than to feel nothing at all. 

So John Watson lets go.

-

The second time John Watson lets go is after yet another exhilarating case.

Sherlock and John enter 221 with so much adrenaline, so much energy, they cannot stop complimenting each other on a job well done, or stop looking at each other with such heat in their eyes. 

John watches Sherlock's eyes flit from his mouth back to meet his gaze as the taller man backs him up against the wall before the staircase. 

John, who's never felt the way he does for a man as he does for the one currently looming over him, considers his feelings briefly before making a decision.

Has he even ever felt the way he does towards a woman? He can't quite think that question through with Sherlock boxing him into the wall the way he is, so John decides on no.

John meets Sherlock's searing gaze with equal intensity, and their lips crash together.

So John Watson lets go.

-

The third time John Watson lets go is what he thinks at the time will be the death of him.

His phone rings on his way to Bart's. A call from Sherlock.

He answers to hear Sherlock asking him to please stay where he is and to look to the roof of the hospital.

He sees his boyfriend (still a fairly new feeling to be calling Sherlock that), standing near the ledge of the building just peeking over as he holds the phone to his ear. 

John listens as the detective goes on about protecting their friends and vague references to recent cases and discoveries about the elusive James Moriarty. And a very odd question.

John doesn't answer Sherlock when he asks if what he is doing is what normal people do, isn't it? Write a note? Because he knows the answer but what comes with that would be the fact that Sherlock is about to do what John thinks he is.

John is yelling to Sherlock as the detective throws his mobile away. John watches as he climbs onto the ledge, dark blue coat flowing in the wind, like a kite, or a cape. Something that could carry Sherlock away from the ledge, safely, soundly.

John yells, no, SCREAMS Sherlock's name as his best friend, lover, boyfriend, falls from the ledge, face first, down to the pavement below. 

He rushes to where he fell, disoriented by the biker who hit him, in a daze of whether or not what just happened is real and not just some new nightmare to battle.

He reaches the body. He tells those gathered around Sherlock, his Sherlock, that he's his friend and needs to get through. 

John grabs Sherlock's hand, just out of habit, as he checks for a pulse or a breath or any indication that there is still hope that he's not really gone and that John's world is not ending and that his life is not about to change for the absolute worse. 

There is no sign that his best friend is still in the world of the living when the paramedics finally arrive. They insist on backing everyone away from the body. They don't have special sympathy for John. Despite his protests, they sternly tell him to remove his hand from the body and to step away. 

John looks at the bloodied face of his world. He realizes it really is all over.

So John Watson lets go.

-

The fourth time John Watson lets go, he was on a admittedly boring date with yet another woman who could never compare to Sherlock.

He is so confused, so angry, at seeing his dead best friend. His dead love. He launches from his seat at the man posing as a waiter and wraps his hands around that familiar slender neck, tackling him to the ground as Sherlock yelps, surprised at John's reaction.

The staff is trying to pull him off of the other man, telling him that he and his date are no longer welcome in the establishment.

John remembers who is beneath him, and still doesn't quite understand it all, but rather than embarrassing his date further, he makes a decision.

So John Watson lets go.

-

The fifth time John Watson lets go, he does it for Sherlock's mum. 

They're slow dancing in the crowded reception hall, holding each other close, husband to husband, when she asks him if she can cut in and have a dance with her youngest son.

John smiles at her kindly, looking back at Sherlock who is smiling shyly, as if embarrassed. 

He realizes then that he has the rest of his life, not only to dance, but to just be with Sherlock Holmes-Watson.

So John Watson lets go.

-

The last time John Watson lets go is much sooner than he ever planned.

He doesn't consider himself much of a sappy or sentimental fellow, although Sherlock would argue due to his taste in telly programs. But when he pictured letting go for good, he thought it would be somewhere quiet and beautiful, just alone with Sherlock. Maybe Sussex. And they'd both be old and grey but Sherlock would no doubt still be beautiful.

He had followed his husband around, helping Sherlock fight crime and outsmart criminals like they were superheroes. He tried to keep up with Sherlock's legs as they sprinted down every alleyway in London and gave up trying to keep up with Sherlock's mind as he solved every client's case that was brought to 221b. 

John considered himself lucky to not have been slowed down by yet another bullet, or even something violent.

The doctors wouldn't agree, necessarily, as the cancer inside him was very violent.

Although he was spared another bullet wound, the pain John felt was nothing like he'd ever experienced before. 

It wasn't so bad at first. He could still join his husband on cases and come along to the Yard. But then it hurtled off the deep end. 

John couldn't bear to move his body more than necessary to get a drink of water, or deep breath of air. 

Sherlock, of course, stopped taking cases. He stopped solving other people's problems and started working feverishly to try to find something to solve John's problem. His final problem.

As John's time ran out, they both knew it. John, although terrified, tried to help Sherlock come to terms with what was about to happen. 

Sherlock put up a fight. Some nights he would explode in anger and frustration after no success with a potential cure, other nights he would stand for hours playing his violin, playing the most somber and sad songs he could. John knew that the notes that came from the violin were happy songs compared to what was probably going on inside the detective's brilliant mind. 

He slowly understood. Sherlock stopped the outbursts and outward displays of emotion. Near the end, he just sat by John's bed, and slow tears would roll down both their faces as they looked at each other.

The last day was the most painful. John could feel that it was coming as it did.  
He gently woke Sherlock up from his slouch on the chair next to John. 

The look in John's eyes was all Sherlock needed to know that this was it. Sherlock held John's weak hand, tears streaming down both of their faces. Sherlock assured John that it was okay, that it was time, and that he would be alright. That they would both alright. That it was all fine.

John saw the love in Sherlock's teary eyes, and felt no more fear of what was hanging over him. He said he loved Sherlock. Sherlock loved him back, and nodded to his blogger.

So John Watson let go.


End file.
